Sa mga na-shookt sa title, ang serotonin daw ay si alyas happy chemical na salarin kung bakit may poreber. 

Charot!  

plays a major role in the body by contributing to well-being, good mood, appetite, memory, and sleep   (Sabi yan ni Manong Google, ask nyo na lang sya for more info)  :p

Anyway, not so many months ago, feeling ko nagkaroon ako ng some sort of depression. Self assessment iyan, pero nakinig at nagtiwala ako sa sarili ko that time. 

Sa 30+ years ko na kasing existence dito sa earth, kabisado ko na ang mga mental abnormalities ko (haha, aminado!). Kahit papaano alam ko na kung paano siya i-handle. But biggest factor talaga ay ang asawa at anak ko to counteract whatever baliw-baliwan forces na gustong sumapi sa akin. Lels

Feeling ko it was triggered nung time na patong-patong ang raket ko sa Upwork (online jobs). Then ang dami ko pang gustong gawin on top of that. Maglinis ng bahay. Turuan si Caylee ng French. Matutong mag-drive. Mag-diet. Makarating sa tuktok ng timbuktu (read: to travel guiltlessly). Jowain ulit si Papa Prinz. Matulog. Maligo. Mag-toothbrush. Nyahahaha!

Then right after securing a contract with Bloomberg in late Septemeber last year (which is absolutely one of the highlights in my Upwork's career btw)...

RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury) happened to me.

Suddenly, I couldn't move my right arm. Sobrang sakit at namaga sya ng husto! Ni hindi ako makatulog without the pain reliever na nireseta sa akin ng doktor. And since it was my predominant hand, naging semi-imbalido ako (at lalong hindi nakaligo). Ewww!

After about 2 weeks pa nung medyo kaya ko na syang igalaw. Pakonte-konte I tried doing normal things again. Kaso everytime I try to use our computer sumasakit ulit sya ng bongga. Fearing that it would cost me more 'semi-imbalido' days, I restricted myself from using it immediately.

That's when I started losing Upwork clients.

Followed by a dip on my 'Job Success Score' and then the removal of  'Top Rated' badge on my profile.

At para mas kumpleto ang kamalasan, they've locked my account, removed me from freelancers search results and disqualified me from accepting any future job interviews on the platform. I can send new applications naman but that would be like going back to square one.

That was one of the most saklap moments in my life besh!  =((

Bukod kasi sa pagiging isang ulirang ina (haha), I take great pride in my work as an online freelancer. My line of work is not rocket science, but I love the fulfillment that comes from it. In addition it's not everyday that you get to talk with executive leaders of different races and learn from them.

But I remember not giving a sh!t when I first learned about it. 

Wala na din naman akong magagawa eh. My right arm still hurts like hell kapag gumagamit ako ng computer during that time.

I remember being so emotionally sensitive one day, tapos halos tulog lang buong maghapon the next day. 

I also avoided mga social activities. 

I remember singing my heart out on our karaoke pero pakiramdam ko walang lumalabas sa bibig ko. 

I remember being so paranoid ng walang dahilan. Or kung meron man ang weird naman. Like baka matumbahan kami ni Caylee ng puno ng mangga. May magsagawa ng tokhang operation sa bahay namin at bigla na lang kaming pagbabarilin. Even our trusted LPG delivery boy pakiramdam ko may masamang balak sa amin.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night tapos nakatulala lang. 

Yung mga times na naasar ako sa mga aso namin every single time they bark.

Pati sa music ng kapitbahay. 

Nakikitawa sa mga jokes on TV kahit di ko naman maramdaman.

All of it, I somehow managed to hide and resolve on my own. Subconsciously, siguro, I tried idamay si Papa Prinz, by making lambing to him after ko awayin ng wala lang. Pag may mga times na napipikon sya, it was his unending love, support and understanding ang kinapitan ko talaga ng husto.

Caylee naman, I tried my best to spare her from any drama. Wag ang bagets! She is always my balance though. And in a way, parang sya ang gumagawa ng paraan para ma-divert ko ang attention ko into something else.

Like when she wanted to have a pet rabbit on a whim.

They're incredibly cute naman, kaya I immediately wanted to take good care of them. As in karir levels. May pag-forage pa ako nyan just to give them natural and healthy food to eat. Almost everyday, I would collect fresh greens and wild plants for them nung nasa Marikina Heights pa kami. Best in effort talaga!

It made me closer to nature and appreciate little things again though.

Until isang araw parang nag-normalize na ulit ang pakiramdam ko.

We moved to our new place here in Parang Marikina.

Ditched the bunnies (kasi hindi namin napa-spay and neuter at hindi pa ako ready mag-alaga ng maraming kuneho!)

Got a new pet (cat naman this time).

Nakikibaka ulit sa Upwork (by sending new job proposals)

And the rest is what you call a history.

Stay sane,